# Aging Parents



## wolfwood (Sep 19, 2005)

I know many of you have walked this path before (Kath has been down this trail 2x already), some are walking it now (as am I), and some have yet to reach the trail-head...

Kath and I are in CT to move my father from his condo to a borderline Assisted Living facility in York, Maine (Instead of being 4 hrs from us, he will now be 30 min. making it MUCH easier on us but, even more importantly, he'll be in a somewhat protected community of peers, his basic needs will be more than a little bit "looked after", all the services we may possibly need for him will be available for the asking, he will be surrounded by people [something that has been sorely missing in this gregarious old salt's life for far too long) and, perhaps the best part - from his perspective







is that he will again be living on the ocean!!! ) Salt water pulses through this man's blood and we found an absolutely fabulous "continuing care facility" which sits less than a mile from the ocean. He can sit on his deck or open his windows and SMELL the ocean...probably even hear it!!! He wil also never have to move again as all stages of care are available at this single facility.

We drove down today (even saw an Outback enroute







), took inventory of his condo to determine the amount of packing already done and what still needs to be done. His day-to-day caregiver has done an amazing job (which makes our job MUCH easier). My sister & BIL come in from VA tomorrow and, together, we will all pack up the house & fill the U-Haul truck. My brother blows in Thursday night - any final packing & running around to close bank accounts, get DRs' records, etc. happens Friday, and the caravan of vehicles & U-Haul heads to Maine on Saturday to unpack and start a new life. Dad will be in his new home Saturday night and all others will stay at Wolfwood until they return to their respective homes early the following week

It's been a looooooonnnnnnnngggggggggg sometimes painful haul to get to this point and, no doubt, its going to be a long week down here in CT but, once Saturday comes, this chapter will be over and a new sun will rise over one sailor's bow!!! Land-Ho!!!! and Thar she blows!!! Full throttle ahead, and hard to port, 1st mate, trim your main and check your halyards!! Look smart, young sailor. Cap't Bill's comin' in for a landing!!

<....and he thought, all these years, his eldest daughter wasn't listening and never 'caught' the sailing bug







>


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## W Podboy (Jan 4, 2007)

Judi,

I went down this road with my mother not long after my father passed away unexpectedly. The timing is always the hard part. 
Letting them have their independence is always the first thought but at some point they need assistance and you cannot always be there .

You will feel better that the ol' sailor is closer than he was before and he is getting the attention he needs.

My mother is now in a Alzheimer care home and requires around the clock assistance. My inlaws are slowing down and it will be a matter of time before we head down that all to familiar path again.

Enjoy your time with him. Give a sharp salute to Captain Bill for me would you.

Wes


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## mountainlady56 (Feb 13, 2006)

Judi,
I've been down this painful road twice. My dad died of cancer in 2/98 and I was his caregiver, as mom already has Alzheimer's, and he was afraid to be left alone even with hired help. So, I moved him into my home, mom came during the day and I had someone with her at night, and help with him during the day at my home. Got to know my dad better than I ever had in the last few weeks of his life, and wouldn't take a million dollars for the long-night talks we had (he didn't want to be left alone.....never been sick and was dying with cancer). I'd stay up with him all night and talk and then take a nap when hospice or the sitters would come.
When he died, that left mom, and I had to make yet another move to be closer to her, but that didn't work out, as she wouldn't give up driving and I would get calls from all over that she was "lost" or she would leave and not be able to remember where she was all day, and people took advantage of her, financially, as well (even in assisted living home.......have his money secured!!).
When mom went to the assisted living home, I, too, was promised that mom would never have to leave. BUT, the insurance rates for alzheimer's care liability became prohibitive to the owner, mom had become very agitated and hostile, and had run out of money. Alzheimer's care is very expensive, as you know. I found a country-setting nursing home about 30 miles from home, and placed mom there. She got much better care than she did in the assisted living, and she adjusted very well. I knew alot of the staff (former co-workers) and knew she was getting the best of care, so I felt comfortable not going every day, as I usually had when she was in assisted living. She died a peaceful death there, 11/05, with Hospice assisting with her care, as well.
I know it's a hard thing to do, but at least you are placing him somewhere he will enjoy and you'll be able to visit more often. I know he's thankful that he's got a loving daughter that has done a thorough search to find a great place for him. It will probably take an adjustment period, but you'll both get through it. If you need a shoulder to lean on, I'm always there.
Seems like you've had more than your fair share of problems as of late, but God will see you through!!
God Bless you and I'll keep you in my prayers!
HUGS!
Darlene


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## Doxie-Doglover-Too (Jan 25, 2007)

Your Dad is a lucky and fortunate man that he has a crew of loved ones to get him out of dry dock. Although I am sure it's tough for him to leave familiar surroundings, it sounds like the new home he is going to will allow him to freshen up those social skills and interact with others. Hey, he may find a girlfriend!







????


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## Eagleeyes (Aug 1, 2007)

Family help with caregiving is what most elders want. My experience as the Director of the Area Agency on Aging here in central massachusetts is that caregivers need help, too. A caregiver can REALLY burn out if the elder is in their home. 
All should know that the Feds pay for a "caregiver support program." It's different in each state, but caregivers can get great information, and often some help, through their local Area Agency on Aging. Everyone is covered by the area agencies...you just need to find a number to call.
Bob


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## skippershe (May 22, 2006)

Judi,

Please tell Capt. Bill that Capt. Dawn wanted you to give him a great big hug for me...









I wish him fair winds and following seas when he sets sail on his new voyage


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## Sluggo54 (Jun 15, 2005)

deleted dupe...


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## Sluggo54 (Jun 15, 2005)

"It's been a looooooonnnnnnnngggggggggg sometimes painful haul to get to this point"

Oh, yeah - long and tiring for everyone. The role reversals are uncomfortable for everyone.

"...people took advantage of her, financially, as well (even in assisted living home.......have his money secured!!)."

Absolutely. I bolted a small safe to Mom's chest of drawers. Knowing she wouldn't be able to work it, I told ONE staff member the combination, and made sure she knew no one else knew the combination. Money had disappeared from her purse before, but no more losses...

"A caregiver can REALLY burn out if the elder is in their home."

I wouldn't recommend that for anyone. I'm sure it works for some, but wouldn't for me.

Sluggo

Hospice is your best friend...


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## nonny (Aug 14, 2005)

Judi,

I shed a few tears of joy as I read this. Joy because you've managed to find the place that I've hunting for my Mom. She's 4 hours from me and I'm her conservator/guardian as of 4/28. Now, I can finally make the change but I can't find the right place to ensure my mother will continue to have a life of quality and joy.

God will continue to bless all of you as you take this step and begin a new leg of this journey with your beloved father. He blessed you by leading you to a place where life will become safe for "Dad" once again and all of you will achieve a little more peace as each day ends.

I will truly be with you in spirit and thank God once more for His goodness.


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