# It's Finally Official - Thanks For Being There



## mountainlady56 (Feb 13, 2006)

Well, since the post on my "for sale" had you all "confused" and "dizzy", last week, I kinda bared my soul and told you what was going on, and the cause for all MY confusion, etc. 
I got official word, today, that funding has been approved, through the State of GA for him to be placed in a long-term residential facility, with an on-campus school, to get the help he so desperately needs, and I can finally quit fighting all his battles for him. I could never afford this, on my own, as I don't think any of you could, either, at $15K/month!! With school approaching, I was really getting worried, as it's always been such a PITA to deal with the school board with special needs children, and he didn't qualify for the special needs scholarship program, as he was hospitalized during October and March of last year, and he HAD to be in public school to qualify.
All that being said, it's kind of a happy/sad day for me. Happy that he's going to get the help/training/care he needs to hopefully be a productive adult, in a safe environment.....(he's going back to the place he was at for 6 1/2 weeks for an in-depth evaluation and he didn't have even one complaint while there, and the staff/facility was wonderful for him). Yet, sad, like any mother who has to be away from her child (who I dearly love, no matter what) for an extended time.
I'll be able to visit him (on and off-campus), and there are some people in the area that are very familiar with him, love him, and would be willing to visit him and take him out for visits, as well.
I'm so glad that our local senator, Senator John Bulloch, and his office staff worked so diligently to make this happen, because without them, I'd still be another voice that's just not listened to, and my child would still not be getting the help he needs. 
I'm not ashamed of my child's problems, and neither should anyone else be, that has them personally, or has a family member. We are what we are, and we are all God's creations.
Thank you all for your encouragement and support during this process, and you guys/girls know who you are! Some of you have responded to e-mails/posts, and some of you have actually called and talked with me. Whatever part you played in keeping my spirits up, just know I'm forever grateful.








Darlene


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## old_tidefan (Nov 23, 2005)

Glad that everything is working out....He will do very well there I'm sure


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## nonny (Aug 14, 2005)

I'm so glad that things are finally falling in place for you. I missed all from the earlier post but I'll go back and "catch up." May God be with all of you! Hugs to you and continued prayers for you and yours.


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## skippershe (May 22, 2006)

Hi Darlene,

I'm very happy for you AND your son








Feel good about your choice...It sounds like it's the best thing for both of you right now...

Hugs!


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## Moosegut (Sep 24, 2005)

Darlene,
I understand how this good news can cause pain. I know you will miss him terribly, but it will be so good for him - and you, of course, know that. I'm sure the heart will heal in time and you'll be able to enjoy seeing the progress he makes. 
Scott


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## h2oman (Nov 17, 2005)

Way to go Darlene. Very happy for you.

John


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## sia (Jul 7, 2007)

Good for you Darlene. This is such a big step for any parent to make. Many parents wait until it is to late for their children and the children end up in Jail or worse. You took the appropriate steps for helping and healing your son.
This will be good for you to Darlene. It will give you time to clear your head.. The stress most have been so overwhelming. I know when I am in a stressful situation, I need to take a few steps back to really clear my head and see straight. This stress could and would cause you many health problems.

I am very happy for you but at the same time I feel your pain. Just know that you are not losing your son you are doing what is right for you and your family. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You are a wonderful person and mother. Please contact me anytime if you want to talk.. Sia


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## Fire44 (Mar 6, 2005)

I know it has to be a hard thing to do but you know that it is the best for him. And as parents all we can wish for it the best for our children. I hope that everything works out for the best.

Gary


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## Canadiansue (Jun 23, 2006)

skippershe said:


> Darlene,
> I understand how this good news can cause pain. I know you will miss him terribly, but it will be so good for him - and you, of course, know that. I'm sure the heart will heal in time and you'll be able to enjoy seeing the progress he makes.
> Scott


A very unselfish decision on your part. Bravo to the person (s) that helped make this happen!


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## Lady Di (Oct 28, 2005)

Darlene, 
That is the BEST news ever! Praise God!

You are not loosing your son, you are potentinally loosing the bad stuff, and gaining a son who will be whole. I see kids whose parents either don't care, or don't want to fight, or have their heads in the sand, and those kids and their parents are the loosers. They will likely never be whole.

Congratulations on a battle well fought.


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## 3leesdw (Jun 22, 2007)

Darlene,
I'm so glad things are working out for the best. The good Lord will never let you down.


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## tomlholmes (Jul 3, 2007)

May this be the Begining of all things Good for you and your son. God Bless you both.


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## mountainlady56 (Feb 13, 2006)

Due to a private e-mail I received, I feel the need to clarify something. ONLY the funding for my son's long-term care is coming from the state, because, as I previously stated, I don't think there's any of us that can afford the $15K/mo. that it costs. He will be in one of the FINEST private facilities in the state. I was given my choice of six, and have done in-depth checking on all. He was previously at this facility, for 6 1/2 weeks, and had no problems, whatsoever, so that's one thing I'm basing my decision on.
This person thought that I was putting my son in a STATE-owned facility. Let me assure you that this is not the case. I WORKED at a state mental hospital, and there is NO WAY IN HELL that my son will ever go to one, as long as there's a breath in me!! He WAS in the Child & Adolescent unit of the one that I worked for, when he was four years old, because he was choking me from behind while I was driving, and came close to killing me before my oldest son got him off me, for a five-day period, but that was just because I KNEW the staff there, and I KNEW that they would take care of him, and it was an emergency.
The last time he attacked me, and I had to have the police at my home, the officers insisted that he be taken to Central State Hospital, in Milledgeville, GA, and I refused. I know the reputation of the state hospitals, and he's NOT going to one!
Other hospitalizations have been at private hospitals, or Medical College of GA (a 6 hr. drive one-way), and I have always been required to stay and participate with family therapy/specialized parenting skills for his problem.
This child came into this world with problems, but God entrusted his care to me and I do not take that trust AND gift lightly. I have literally driven hundred of thousands of miles and spent hundreds of thousands of dollars for his care/treatment/etc. Last year, alone, I itemized over $18,000 in medical expenses, most of them his, and the first three months of this year, alone, I paid $8,000 above and beyond what the insurance paid, one check alone for $1795 for ONE admission prior to his being admitted. Please keep in mind that I'm on Social Security disability, state retirement disability and receive $50/mo. from a private disability policy I paid for while working, and he receives death benefits from his father, and his father (my former husband) NEVER paid one cent of child support, after we divorced when my son as 3, and he lived until he was 11. We're NOT on Medicaid. I pay our way, and if I were able to work, again, I'd do it in a heart-beat, as I loved my job as an RN, and was dang good at it!!
I didn't understand why I became disabled, after I worked so hard to get my nursing degree, but we're not meant to understand. It was laid out before me, though, when I ended up taking care of both my parents, until their death (dad-cancer, and mom-alzheimers), and then there's my son on top of that. There's no way I could have cared for my family, sometimes in a supervisory capacity, and been able to work, as well.
My son has reached adolescence, and has not mastered living skills (hygiene, etc.), social skills (equivalent of a 6-7 yr. old). He was in 2 different placements, from May to August of last year, and I pulled him out, as he was not being treated well. He was forced to exercise 4-5 hrs/day in 100-110 degree heat, and the director of one of the programs verbally abused him in my presence. He has mental, developmental delays and autistic spectrum disorder problems, but he's not a criminal or juvenile delinquent, and I won't tolerate him being treated as such. 
God gave me a gift of having EXTREME patience and dedication to my youngest child, and I thank Him for that. I was advised, from the time he was 6 yrs. old to place him in a long-term residential facility and leave him there, but it was just not in me. He's seen probably a dozen private psychiatrists, and as many therapists/psychologists in conjunction with the psychiatrist's treatment. Most of these had the same opinion, that he should be in long-term residential treatment, but I've fought it, as it's not what I wanted for my child.
I have endured physical, emotional and verbal abuse from my child, and still fought for his rights. Maybe I'm a fool, but I love him, still. I've tried all types of "treatments" and even "tough love" as the writer of the e-mail suggested. That does NOT work with the multitude of problems my son has. I am doing what is best for HIM, in the long-run, because there will come a day when I'm no longer around, and I'm all he's got, besides his half-brother, who will not take care of him. Believe me when I say I CRY, I HURT, this is not what I want for me and my child. It's not the way it should be, but it's the way it has to be.
Sorry for taking up more of your time and for venting, but I want to make sure that no one else misunderstands what's going on here. If you have any questions/concerns, please e-mail me and I will gladly respond.
On a brighter note, even though it's difficult to manage him in public, I'm determined to make some "memories" before he leaves, next week. We got up early, went to Shoney's breakfast buffet, in Tallahassee, went to an early show of "Rattatouille" (spelling?) and were going to a huge game arcade "Fun Station", but my back went out on me. He was obsessing/disappointed (of course) about going, but I managed to get him settled down. I'll try to take him back tomorrow, if my back cooperates!








Darlene


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## luckylynn (Jan 9, 2007)

God Will Bless You( as I feel sure he already has) for being a Loving ,careing Mother that only wants and needs the best for her child. It sounds as if all the right doors have opened at last.....and as you know God never puts more on our plate than we can deal with ..if we seak His help and follow His plan...........it is we as humans that often forget that. From all I can see in reading all your problems you have worked hard to do all the right things...so now a way has been opened for you and your son to get the very best human help. May you and yours always follow the light and know you will always be in my Prayers.


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## prevish gang (Mar 19, 2006)

Darlene,
I am glad you finally have a resolution that you are satisfied with. It's been a long journey to get to this point and Jimmy will be better off for it. Don't feel guility. You need the rest.

Darlene


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## California Jim (Dec 11, 2003)

Best wishes to you and your son Darlene, and I hope all works out well.


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## bobpattie (Jul 23, 2005)

Darlene, you are a blessed individual and you deserve the best. Yes I agree love for a child is unconditional not matter what - you are making the correct decision and don't let anyone tell you differently. I only hope you will use the Outback family as your crutch when you need to talk or vent - we are here to listen and help in any way one can. Keep us posted on his progess and how you are doing too - you are in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

Pattie


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## JonesFamily (May 15, 2007)

YOU are an amazing woman! YOU have an amazing child!! Best of luck to you and your son, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

Big hugs from me to you Darlene!!

Lisa


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## gone campin (Jan 29, 2006)

Darelene,
That is great news. It will all work out. I have been prying for you and your sons. I know it has been hard for all of you. I will continue to pray that all works out for the best.

Linda


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## Paul and Amy (Jul 8, 2007)

Darlene,

You will always be his Mama and he will always be your son. Paul understands some of the emotions you must feel as he had to place his 15 yo daughter into a facility last December. She will be there till she is 18. She too headed for the delinquent side of life, stealing, lying, drugs, verbally and physically aggressive. He had no other choice but she was destroying the family he had labored to have for so many years. The good news is, he sees her every few months, and he sees improvements in her







. Hopefully this will happen with you. You are fortunate though, we are having to pay for her placement, so a big chunk of our finances is out the window. Her mother abandoned her and won't pay a dime support, so we are paying for her healing on her own. Darlene you will feel at peace and relaxed, though a chunk of you is elsewhere getting better and hopefully more productive for adulthood. See you soon......


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## mountainlady56 (Feb 13, 2006)

LabbyCampers said:


> Darlene,
> 
> You will always be his Mama and he will always be your son. Paul understands some of the emotions you must feel as he had to place his 15 yo daughter into a facility last December. She will be there till she is 18. She too headed for the delinquent side of life, stealing, lying, drugs, verbally and physically aggressive. He had no other choice but she was destroying the family he had labored to have for so many years. The good news is, he sees her every few months, and he sees improvements in her
> 
> ...


Thanks for sharing......my heart goes out to Paul. I'm sure it's equally difficult for a caring father as it is for a caring mother. It's by placing Jimmy before he gets involved in the legal system, and he eventually will, if something's not done, that I hope to help him. I'll be able to see Jimmy, and that's great peace of mind to me. I WILL have to contribute, financially, as well, to his care, but not the $15K/mo, thank God. They base the amount I contribute on my income. I also have to maintain a home for us, maintain contact with him, provide clothing, maintain health insurance on him, pay co-pays, and all other needs. The 15K and my monetary contribution are only for his treatment, room & board at the facility.
As for the person who e-mailed me, I'm sorry to lash out at you. You, hopefully, haven't gone through what Paul and I have gone through with children, and I'm sure you meant well. Your identification is being kept confidential, I assure you, and I hope you accept my apology.
If I can help anyone out there, that needs support/advice/information on services available whether in the community or elsewhere, I've accumulated a pretty vast amount of information by working with and living with people that have emotional/mental problems. Anything you write to me and I reply WILL be held in the strongest of confidentiality. You can just PM/e-mail me through the forum and send your private e-mail addy /yahoo messenger/msn messenger ID, and I'll be glad to open communication with you.
Amy opening up and sharing their story is just further evidence that there ARE others out there in the same boat that Paul and I are.
God Bless!
Darlene


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## cooplash (Jun 10, 2007)

Good news! Congratulations on getting all of that navigated. Now plan some peaceful rest for yourself, right?!

Wish you both the best, Beth


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## Nathan (Jan 2, 2007)

Just wanted to add another wish for the best outcome. I can't imagine what that would be like, but it's clear you are doing the best anyone could for him. Take care!


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## willie226 (Apr 4, 2006)

Darlene
Best of luck you you and your son. You are #1 mom!!!! You will always be in my thoughts and Prayers every day. May God bless you and your family and keep you and your family in the Palm of His hand

Willie


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## Thor (Apr 7, 2004)

Darlene

I am glad things are working out. All the very best to you and your entire family. I cannot wait to hear about your son and how well he is doing.

Thor


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## RizFam (Feb 25, 2006)

Oh Darlene,

Bitter sweet indeed.









I am rejoicing your news & crying at the same time. Please know that I am here for you if you need a shoulder to lean on & an ear to listen. This is wonderful news for Jimmy & you, but I can imagine it will be extremely difficult to be apart.

 to continue to keep up your strength, courage, health & for guidance through all of this.

Be well my friend,

Tami


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